September 1st, 2009 • Ross Martin
Tonight, I realized a lifelong dream. Officials from the Universal Record Data Base have contacted me to confirm I set the new world record for MOST EAR WIGGLES IN :30 SECONDS.
Thank you to my family and friends, to all those who believed that one day I would amount to more than a ___________. Special thanks to the inimitable Jordan "Cosell" Berman for his expert play by play and maximum respect to Rachel Sklar and Sean Goldsmith for inspiring me to beat them.