Jonathan Safran Foer Almost Ruins Thanksgiving

November 26, 2009 — 5

Foer warning 

When I told Jonathan Safran Foer that I get my turkey from a place in Brooklyn that only sells fresh, grass-fed, organic, cage-free, well-groomed, gorgeous, well-educated Turkeys…he ruined it.

“Unlikely, ” he said. “That turkey most definitely comes from a factory farm.”

I am not sure I can be friends with Jonathan anymore, after he said “most definitely.” I’m not sure I can be friends with anyone who would say “most definitely.”

A few weeks ago, I read a copy of Saffy’s new book, EATING ANIMALS. And now–just like Oprah, Ellen, Natalie Portman, all the other Huffpo readers and Anderson Cooper–I’m fucked.


No, Natalie. But I am about to. Here’s how it’s all gonna go down. You ready?

I am on a farm in Illinois right now. For real. For the next 8 hours, in support of Jonathan Safran Foer’s new book, I have decided to go vegan. Then, at 6pm, I have decided to eat this turkey:

I have told the turkey about this. He is aware and seems fine with it. He is preparing himself. He has even asked about the gravy.


Tomorrow morning, while everyone is out buying home electronics on sale, I am going to Barnes & Noble in Chicago, and I am going to purchase, out of guilt, every remaining copy of EATING ANIMALS, which I will give out next week in Times Square outside Ruth’s Chris steakhouse…

eating animals


  • Rapturesque

    November 26, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Foer = Sexyy

  • Bobby16

    November 26, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    I am going to say a prayer for JSF in a few ours and then I am going to eat a whole turkey and then throw it back up into a pie and eat the pie.

  • SUzQsy

    November 26, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    that's just gross

  • marc zeloznik

    November 26, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    I read the book and it’s like michael pollan’s book except it’s an enjoyable read and it doesnt just gross me out or scare me, it also makes me care, as i imagine a shitload of my peers in college will too. I go to wesleyan and can tell you my friends are all starting read this book too, so maybe it’s working. and if i were anywhere near the farm you’re on, i would come save that turkey from your viscious jaws.

  • pkay225

    November 28, 2009 at 4:10 am

    Ross, you are crazy. regardless, 4th graf is SEO gold

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