Jonathan Safran Foer Almost Ruins Thanksgiving

Foer warning 

When I told Jonathan Safran Foer that I get my turkey from a place in Brooklyn that only sells fresh, grass-fed, organic, cage-free, well-groomed, gorgeous, well-educated Turkeys…he ruined it.

“Unlikely, ” he said. “That turkey most definitely comes from a factory farm.”

I am not sure I can be friends with Jonathan anymore, after he said “most definitely.” I’m not sure I can be friends with anyone who would say “most definitely.”

A few weeks ago, I read a copy of Saffy’s new book, EATING ANIMALS. And now–just like Oprah, Ellen, Natalie Portman, all the other Huffpo readers and Anderson Cooper–I’m fucked.


No, Natalie. But I am about to. Here’s how it’s all gonna go down. You ready?

I am on a farm in Illinois right now. For real. For the next 8 hours, in support of Jonathan Safran Foer’s new book, I have decided to go vegan. Then, at 6pm, I have decided to eat this turkey:

I have told the turkey about this. He is aware and seems fine with it. He is preparing himself. He has even asked about the gravy.


Tomorrow morning, while everyone is out buying home electronics on sale, I am going to Barnes & Noble in Chicago, and I am going to purchase, out of guilt, every remaining copy of EATING ANIMALS, which I will give out next week in Times Square outside Ruth’s Chris steakhouse…

eating animals


5 responses to “Jonathan Safran Foer Almost Ruins Thanksgiving”

  1. Rapturesque Avatar

    Foer = Sexyy

  2. Bobby16 Avatar

    I am going to say a prayer for JSF in a few ours and then I am going to eat a whole turkey and then throw it back up into a pie and eat the pie.

  3. SUzQsy Avatar

    that's just gross

  4. marc zeloznik Avatar
    marc zeloznik

    I read the book and it’s like michael pollan’s book except it’s an enjoyable read and it doesnt just gross me out or scare me, it also makes me care, as i imagine a shitload of my peers in college will too. I go to wesleyan and can tell you my friends are all starting read this book too, so maybe it’s working. and if i were anywhere near the farm you’re on, i would come save that turkey from your viscious jaws.

  5. pkay225 Avatar

    Ross, you are crazy. regardless, 4th graf is SEO gold

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