The Ear Wiggling Champion Of The World Is Famous

As you know, I am the Ear Wiggling World Record Holder.

What you might not know is that I am recognized wherever I go.

My latest example is this: I enter a party with a famous person (who shall remain nameless) last week. She looks gorgeous, as always. I look, well, less gorgeous. Guess which one of us gets recognized first?

ear wiggle

That’s right, bitches. This very nice man, who works at Conde Nast and is clearly plugged in to the zeitgeist, turns to me and says, “Wait — I know who you are!”

“Oh, hi,” I reply. “You must’ve been at that AdWeek panel the other day.”

“No, I know exactly who you are. You’re Ross Martin. You set the world record for ear wiggling!”

Boom! Done. Yes. That is exactly how I roll.

And fuck you to the guy in India who keeps saying he can beat my world record. Bring it, punk.





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